Guest reviewed by Mr G, a non-
horror fan:
I haven’t seen ‘Paranormal Activity’ so I had no expectations when sitting down to watch it, which is a shame because I might not have bothered.
I was intent on watching some ebay auctions for my huge Star Wars Lego collections which I am selling furiously as part of a ritual suicide of any semblance of my previous life. Anyway I was distracted the whole time this film was on and there was nothing about this film that made me want to pay attention. I watched bits of it from time to time which would always be just bad cctv footage of someone walking into a room. They’d sit and do something for a while and I would loose interest and look away. Then something would bang, someone would scream and I’d look up to see the same camera shot just without anyone in the room. I got really bored of seeing the exact same shots of the kitchen and the baby’s room and that seemed to be all there was.
This film must have cost literally pounds to make. A 2 room set and a set of cameras from Boots and away we go. I don’t know if any of the actors did anything noteworthy because they never seemed to do anything.
Apparently I missed an awesome scene involving everything in the kitchen (the same single shot boring room) went flying at once. This scene just annoyed me because I was trying to produce a song and it completely drowned out the music for a whole 5 seconds. I didn’t look up in that 5 seconds but apparently they were pretty epic and so worth wasting the other god knows how long this film is waiting for it to happen.
I’m biased I know. I hated Blair Witch because it was just rubbish and nothing scares me much anyway so I just didn’t get it. This film falls into that category of complete non event films which are probably great if you like to hide behind cushions and wait for the demon to jump out or if you happen to like things that are less interesting than nearly everything else. Watch comedies people! They are generally much better written than horrors and even if they are completely crap you might at least get a giggle out of it. If you want to be truly scared then do something scary like drive your car off the road at high speed or break down the door of a smack dealer at 3 in the morning, anything but believing that anything from America is going to make you soil yourself with fright.
Reviewed by Mr G
SLASH IN THE ATTIC 